It was through trying to grasp the immense plans I laid out for this project that actually led me to change my topic of interest. At first, I was simply going to focus on neoliberalism on college campuses, specifically at SUNY Oneonta, by interviewing students and faculty about their opinions on the matter. While I did still choose to include faculty and students voices, I knew neoliberalism was too broad of a topic. Afterall, it is a system of organization that has created what I have explained is academic capitalism.
When planning how to make this happen, I realized this project was rooted in intense thoughts and dilemmas I have had lately and, as my final project at SUNY Oneonta, it was only right to conduct this in my own voice. I have gained confidence in my ideas in the past three years as a college student, and discussing something out of my comfort zone such as neoliberalism seemed like a great climax to my experience here.
However, these plans quickly led to an all-consuming stress that I could not seem to dissect. Quite frankly, in trying to organize my thoughts over this project, I have had many panic attacks. It was not until about three weeks before the due date that I realized the root of these issues: my understanding of success.
I have been given the label “successful,” many times in my career at Oneonta. I have strived for high grades, low attendances, e-board positions, and everything else that may look good on a resume. I have let it consume me for years because I assumed it would always help me be successful in the future. But, I never gave myself the time to stop and think of what success truly means to me.
“Success,” according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is defined as “a favorable or desired outcome,” often when achieving a goal. In more neoliberalist terms, it is defined as “the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence.” Clearly, this second definition reinforces capitalist ideologies surrounding status and capital. It also happens to be the definition that applies to many narratives we see in popular culture.
As a young girl, I was never given permission to dream on my own. Instead, when asked by adults what I wanted to do when I grew up, dreams were already laid out for me. I was told to get a college degree, a good paying job, and a rich husband. I was told to buy a house in the suburbs, to have a handful of children and a dozen grandchildren, and to share my love and wealth with them. I was a success story in the making.
Now, just weeks away from graduating, I am inspired to question these dreams, to question what success means to me. To me, a newly-budding anarchist, succcess lies in happiness. Unfortunately, this is something that does not exactly go hand-in-hand with thriving in a capitalist society.
Clearly, success is defined for us from a young age from the same institutions that instill fear into us to cooperate.
